Prince Charming?

Every girl's heard the story
Its become quite chiche
Of a knight on a white horse
Who'll take her away

Prince Charming- Hes handsome
So kind and courageous
But I never thought mine
Would be so outrageous!

My memory is vivid
Of that fateful day
When Prince Charming pulled up
In a white... Chevrolet??

But I forgot all about that
When he stepped into sight
Because he'd certainly gotten
The handsome part right

With his rippling muscles
I'd have nothing to fear
And he looked so important
With the bud in his ear

My heart pitter-pattered
My cheeks blushed with red
When he smoothly stepped forward
Smiled, and said:

"I'm here on an errand
For my father, the King
And I couldn't help noticing
You're not wearing a ring..."

And so it happened
We had our first date
I couldn't help thinking
"This must be fate!"

He was the perfect gentleman
Charming and witty
He bought me flowers
Told me I was pretty

We went so many places
Spent our nights on the town
And I dreamed that someday
I'd inherit the crown

But I should have known
It would be quite a ride
When we shared our first kiss
In the movie "Corpse Bride"

Now what I'll say next
You may find quite alarming
But there's a few things
You should know about Prince Charming....

First I'll start off
With his intoxicating smell
He'll use it to put you
Under his spell

But later will come
Quite a different aroma
And this one may just
Put you into a coma

He'll use it to make
Your senses run frantic
If you even TRY
To get too romantic

And the way to his heart
Take it from me
Is not through his stomach
As others had you believe

See I no longer quite
Understand that old story
Of a knight fighting dragons
For his damsel's glory

'Cause the dragon is actually
Inside him, you'll find
And feeding the man
Simply keeps it in line!

Or another analogy
That's useful is maybe
That of a child
Or even a baby

You must feed him on time
And iron his clothes
The smells from his bum
Will have you holding your nose

He's whiny and moody
And often a mess
And oddly in love
With the things on your chest

Perhaps you are wondering
"Why waste your time?"
I can't really explain
Why I feel so inclined

I guess maternal instinct
Could be why I care
Or maybe that mop
Of cute curly hair?

But truth is my Prince
Somehow turned to a toad
And deep down I hope
If I keep on this road

One day it will happen
Easy as a cinch-
I'll kiss him and magically
He'll return to my prince!