Finnish Farewell

This is how we broke the news to my brother Danny on his mission in Finland that his 2-year-old goldfish, "Biggie Smalls," had died.

Dear Master Danny,

I write you this poem
To tell you goodbye
For I'm going home

I'm going like you-
Far away to the land
Where "Finns" are the thing
That they all understand

Don't get me wrong
I'll miss this ol' place
At feeding time
Seeing Mom's happy face

But please don't be sad
There's no need to cry
There's a much bigger bowl
For me out in the sky

And I'll always be near
For times when it's hard
I'm conveniently buried
Out in your backyard!

It's a lesson in life
'Bout things that are gold
Pretty to look at
But rarely can hold

To my plastic plant
And to each of you
It is time for me
To bid you Adieu

'Cause we all gotta listen
When nature calls
So this is farewell

From your fish,

Biggie Smalls

Ode to Hunting

True story... :)

"Ode to Hunting"
Is the name of this rhyme
'Cause Hunting is fun-
You should try it sometime!

If you've never been
I bet you didn't know
Just how simple it is-
I think you should go!

Here's what to do,
Just take my advice
I know you will have
The time of your lives!

Pack up a truck
With all of your goods
And drive to a place
Way out in the woods

Spend quite some time
To find the right spot
Then build you a fire
That's real nice and hot

And because you must spend
The entire time there
Be sure that you bring
A real comfy chair

Then just wave goodbye
To each of the boys
As they all ride off
On their four-wheelin' toys

Whats Next, you say?
Well hold on tight-
You get to sit at the camp
All day and night!!

If you can handle excitement
You even could
Walk up to the trees
And gather some wood!

You can poke at the Fire
You can drink some beer
You can yell at two dogs
Who choose not to hear

Who knew that hunting
Could be oh-so-much fun?!
I can't even see
Why you'd need a gun!

Now, before I end
Here is one final tip
If you'd like to go
On your own hunting trip:

'Cause I didn't realize
There was something I lacked
Men think is important-
Or vital, in fact

If you have one, you get
To go out and play
If you don't, they will make you
Sit at camp the whole day...

So although I don't
Really understand why-
If you're going to go hunting
Make sure you're a guy!!

The Mess

I hear you out there knocking
And am embarrassed to admit
That I'd like to let you in
But I'm afraid you just won't fit!

See, I wish it were that easy
To just go open up the door
But presently there's too much stuff
Piled in here on the floor

Boxes, trunks, and crates are stacked
As far as eye can see
There's so much baggage in this place
That there's hardly room for me!

Once there was a time
When I had space to walk around
But lately I can scarcely find
A place just to sit down!

I've been tirelessly cleaning
But each time I make a dent
Someone goes and has
Even more of this stuff sent!

So please don't take it personal
That I'm impolite a host
'Cause someone to help out
Is probably what I need the most

Yet, to find a good, hard worker
I suppose I must be cursed
'Cause each has left me a disaster
Even bigger than the first!

Now, if you did an X-Ray
I would have no single doubt
With all the stuff in here
That's been stacked and strewn about

That for yourself you'd see
Here contained inside my chest
Right now you can't come in
My heart's just much to big a mess!

Father's Day

As your gift on Fathers Day
I wrote this poem for you
I'd really love to read it
First there's something you must do

Just answer but one question
Its so easy, you will see
How 'bout one about the Civil War
Or General E. Lee?

This is your favorite game
So I know you'll want to play
General E. Lee was born
On what year, month, and day?......

...Well, because this day's for fathers
I suppose I will go on
Even though it is quite clear
That you couldn't be more wrong

But only 'cause I need to tell you
That I couldn't be more glad
Of all the men out in the world
That I got you as my dad!

I know that on occasion
Perhaps I've been a bother
But I want you to know
I'm so lucky you're my father!

And just to prove to you
How truly great I think you are
I'll let you use my dimples
If you need to park your car

And sill if after that
You need further proof to know
When you want to row your boat
I will ofter you my toe

'Cause while you gave me goofy feet
Thankfully the fact remains
That I may not be as sweet
But I clearly got your brains!

So here's to the man
That today I will admit
Has given me much more
than "a little tiny little bit"

I think its safe to say
That we all are quite in awe
Hope your Father's Day's so full
You can say "De bandi bah"

Thanks for your support
Your love and faith in me
'Cause if it weren't for you
Who truly knows just where I'd be??

To have a dad like you
God really gave me all the lucks
And hey there's one more thing -
Can I borrow just five bucks?

Letter Q

I was inspired to write this poem after a moment of frustration while playing Scrabble

She took it quite hard
When he said goodbye
For without him she felt
That surely she'd die

She pleaded her case
But it was to no avail
The poor guy felt smothered-
It was just bound to fail!

"I'm sorry, my dear
I think this will be better
I can't always be following you
Right to the letter"

But deep down she knew
The fate that she'd meet
That without him, quite frankly
She'd become obsolete

"Fine, you can go
If its what you decide
But you should know, I am worthless
Without "U" by my side

"I know I am clingy
But I cannot be cured
Because if you leave
I truly can't say a word"

"After you're gone
I will suffer in anguish
Simply due to the nature
Of the English language

"See, its not my fault
You're always there right on "Q"
Because after all
What am I without "U"???"